The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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