she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
