if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
