for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
