can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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