I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
