Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
