I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
