Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just google imaged poop.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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