No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
