sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
