Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
