And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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