Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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