Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
