I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
