Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
