I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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