Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
