i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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