$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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