I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
