you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
