I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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