this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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