I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Panties = found
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
