Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
