MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
