VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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