I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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