A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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