Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
