Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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