I love black thongs
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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