it was like having sex with a tree stump
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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