you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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