its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
