It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize