You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
