Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
