I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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