i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
