Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I got inside last night via doggy door
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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