my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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