he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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