Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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