My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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