i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
