The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
