Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
