i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Less talking, more tequila
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
