Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
