just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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