something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
