Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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