dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
