she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize