im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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