i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize