Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize