Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
