i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Watching her eat just hurts me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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