They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
