At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So squirting runs in the family.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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