You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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