you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize