He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
