Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
