why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
