i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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