she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She told me I should be a condom model.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize