Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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