i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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