I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
