Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
