I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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