But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
