I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My cat gives me a boner
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
