Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
