I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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