I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize