I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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