I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
