i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
