You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think your dad took our porno
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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