I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have aggressive nipples.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
