'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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