Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
