Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize