Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
