Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
