"it" just moved
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
