too bad you live with your parents still
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
