every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
sex in a hospital.. check
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
