drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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