Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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