Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
