you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
