go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
