I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We need a shit load of segways right now
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
