Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
