There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize
