his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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