Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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