Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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